kpatzner“IR Patzner”

Kyle joined the league for two reasons: to prove he knows more than every NFL scout, GM, and talent evaluator alive, and to finally find someone willing to love him. Armed with unwavering confidence, he can identify why any player you draft is trash within seconds of the pick. The kind of guy who absolutely would’ve worn two popped collars at the same time. Takes any opportunity to go shirtless and, after roughly three light beers, challenge someone to a fight before inevitably needing to be bailed out. In high school, tried to convince everyone to watch the HBO late-night “soft porn” channel—not because he liked it, obviously, but because he needed everyone to know his family could afford HBO.