Mbegene90“Runner-up”

Michael Behringer has spent his entire life mastering the art of finishing second. Back in high school, he was the second-best runner on the greatest cross-country team in the history of our school. I was the first, obviously. Michael was notorious for turning easy training days into Olympic trials, desperately trying to prove he was No. 1. Eventually, he did manage to beat me—but only after I broke my leg, so we’re still waiting on the official asterisk review. His career has followed a similar trajectory. Michael is now the CFO of Olson’s Solar Energy, which sounds incredibly important until you remember that he is still somehow second in command. At this point, we’re starting to think “second” isn’t a position Michael holds—it’s a lifestyle. Despite all of this, Michael is genuinely one of the best guys you’ll ever meet. He’s a great husband, a great father to his three kids, and an all-around great man. He’s also got the unique distinction of being the best non-ginger Michael we know, which is a title we’re confident he’ll hold for many years. We’ll continue reminding him that he was never actually No. 1. And yes, we’ll continue pretending that his fantasy football success is meaningful. Because that’s what friends do. We all love Michael, and every year we’re excited to watch him dominate the regular season, talk a little too much trash, convince himself this is finally his year… …and then come up just short of the league championship in the playoffs. Written by KPatzner